By: By Bill Leahy, HDC Sales Manager Published:
I wouldn’t go so far as to call myself a “prepper”, maybe just a planner. Things go way more smoothly when there is a plan beforehand. I guess I may be a little OCD but I do like my ducks in a row, being early, and being prepared for pretty much anything my day may throw at me. As one of the managers of the Boston Sales Team, being organized and well-prepared are key to performing my job well. When I’m not performing my daily sales routine, this “planning” mentality has served me very well in my other area of interest: the impending global calamity of the rise of the undead. It’s only a matter of time before they are here…
So here is why the Harpoon Brewery in Boston is the safest place to be in the event of the Zombie Apocalypse.
BASIC SURVIVAL BROKEN DOWN INTO NEEDS:
Beer: We have it, lots of it. On average we typically have over 10,000 cases and 800 kegs on hand at any given time in our warehouse. And we can keep making it.
Fresh Water: We get ours from the Quabbin Reservoir and have the ability to treat water on-site. Impurities can be filtered out of water to make it ideal for brewing beer, but we can also pasteurize semi-clean water (like rain) using UV light before making it totally safe for drinking by boiling it in the brewing process. Fun fact; this is why for a large portion of human history beer was safer to drink than water -it was boiled and had natural preservatives (hops and alcohol). If we start to get the sense that the zombie menace is reaching crisis proportions, we have the ability to procure and store over 327,000 gallons of clean water. We also have the ability to bottle, can, and keg said clean water to help out our fellow survivors. So be nice to your sales reps, you may need us some day…
Food: The all-natural grain we use in our beers (barley, wheat, rye) can be used to make a variety of foods like bread. Our Beer Hall kitchen at any given time has 4000lbs of flour on hand, in addition to salt and yeast, which we use to make pretzels. We are also stocked on fresh produce used to make our pretzel dipping sauces. If you grow tired of pretzels after a few months, we have protected waterfront access to Boston Harbor and the Harbor Islands. And since there are at least 10 Harpooners to come to work every day with fishing tackle in their cars, we have options for pescatarians - striped bass, bluefish(seasonal), shellfish and lobster - but you should at least try a Seagull egg omelet before you go hungry, they aren’t bad with hot sauce (we also have tons of hot sauce).
Beer: Yes, it’s still Kegs ‘n Eggs with Seagull eggs.
Security: I cannot stress enough the importance of strong fences and high walls when dealing with massive throngs of the undead. Our Brewery is housed in a building that was used by the US Navy to build Destroyers and Submarines during WWII; the foundation is thick, as are the walls. The windows are high to prevent peeping eyes (or grabby zombies) and the doors are reinforced steel. Empty kegs can also be filled with water, old beer and even concrete to create additional barriers. And if you have ever seen us move fencing after a festival, you know we can set up additional outdoor space quickly if needed. While we do not have a full arsenal, boy do we have the ability to improvise. A fully stocked machine shop and able maintenance technicians to sharpen things, reinforce fortifications, and make kick-ass mods to some of the equipment we have around here. Forklift? Wrong - zombie-clearing machine (patent pending). In doing research for this blog one of our Engineers came up with two additional ideas on the spot, an air-compressed potato gun that can fire bottles over 100mph and a way to use CO2 to freeze zombies solid for smashing- Terminator 2-style.
Beer: Is best enjoyed with (living) friends, around a broken pallet bonfire, after a long day of supply runs and zombie killing.
Electricity: Yeah, not necessarily a “need” but nice to have. We have a Cogen system that we installed in 2013 that allows us to create our own energy and heat independent from the main power grid. And while we may not be running the keg line, can line, bottling line and blender at the same time; we can still brew beer and keep the lights on. No need to charge your phone during the zombie apocalypse, Instagram is down, bro.
All in all, I feel extremely lucky to be one of the (living) employee-owners of such a place. Our company culture dictates that anyone hired here, for any job, is someone you would like to have a beer with at the end of the day. All good people who share a common goal: create memorable beer drinking experiences and rid the world of zombies.
Love Beer, Love Life… Hate zombies.
By: Rich Ackerman, Harpoon HR Director Published:
Only at a brewery will you find a blog written by a Human Resource Director with detailed instructions on how to construct a two-tiered pumpkin keg for your Halloween Party…
Follow Rich’s directions below, and for a step by step visual guide, check out his video. Shout out to Makphoto for helping produce the video!
- One large pumpkin
- One medium pumpkin
- Carving kit or a serrated knife
- UFO Pumpkin/Harpoon Pumpkin Cider - refrigerated
Step 1: First, draw a ring around the top of your pumpkins. Try to keep this pretty close to the top of the pumpkin as possible. The medium sized pumpkin will be placed on the larger pumpkin so be sure to remove the stem from your larger pumpkin.
Step 2: Carve out the lids!
Step 3: Pop the lid off and remove everything from inside the pumpkins. Make sure you get all the seeds out!
Step 4 (optional!): If you’re feeling extra creative, engrave your pumpkin. Just be sure to not go very deep!
Step 5: Figure out where you want to place your tap/spigot. Using your pencil or marker, trace around the rim once you've decided upon the spot. Make the hole then pop in your spigot.
Step 6: Once your spigot is secured, you're ready to go! Fill one pumpkin with cold UFO Pumpkin and the other with cold Harpoon Pumpkin Cider. Put the lids back on the pumpkin then place the medium sized pumpkin on top of the larger pumpkin.
Step 7: Bask in your pumpkin keg mastery and pour your friends some beers!